


I will never say I’m sorry

by ducky7goofy



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24406624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ducky7goofy/pseuds/ducky7goofy
Summary: Catra breaks, she heals and she grows.OrA closer look into Catra’s redemption arc and her developing relationships with those she hurt the most. Set during Season 5.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 79





	I will never say I’m sorry

**Author's Note:**

> “A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended.”
> 
> ― Ian McEwan, Atonement

Chapter 1 - Sparkles

On Horde Prime’s ship anyone would be pleasant company when all you see are clones of a man you despise. So, Glimmer was a welcome distraction to the monotonous life that had begun to form for Catra as she waited to be called upon by Lord Prime. The Sparkle Princess had never made a big impression on Catra. She was Adora’s new best friend and for that it was easy to dislike her. Very easy. And she whined an awful lot too, a trait that while entertaining could only be taken in small doses. She never really could understand why Adora left her for that.

Glimmer was everything on paper that Catra would dislike but over time the princess had proved her wrong. Sparkles was brash and bold. She wanted to fight and she wanted to win just as much as Catra had. She wanted to prove herself.

She had also made a mistake. 

A big one.

So, maybe that was why Catra enjoyed sneaking around Horde Prime’s ship to the princess’s room.

At first, it was a source of comfort to see a familiar face - even that of an enemy. She would watch Glimmer as she pleaded for someone to talk to or for someone to let her out. The clones would just ignore her as they arrived with a plate of food and a curt “Your food, our Honoured Guest.” The shorter girl would try to tap into her magic, and she had even tried to escape once but hadn’t got very far before the guards placed her back into her _room_ with a harsh warning from Prime.

When Catra first approached Glimmer there was still an antagonistic snarl to the princess’s voice and a baiting one from her own. And Catra liked it. She liked that Glimmer would stomp her feet and groan at the mention of being stuck here with only Catra as real company. She liked that Glimmer couldn’t meet her eyes when she mentioned Adora. And she liked that Glimmer gave as good as she got. That she remarked Catra was still a prisoner even though she got to roam the halls freely. That she had in fact beaten the Horde with a plan she had formulated on her own (and one she described with gleeful details).

It was all very predictable, but it was fun.

It grew from there.

Slowly.

Somehow it became their tradition to sit down back to back against Glimmer’s see-through green door. It was oddly comforting. Sometimes they wouldn’t speak. Sometimes Glimmer would ask tough questions and Catra would leave before Glimmer could finish her sentence. Other times Catra would try to get a rise out of the princess, who took the bait with a shrill reply for her clone guards. 

Mostly, they engaged in idle small talk as if they didn’t spend the last years attempting to destroy the other.

That all changed after their dinner with Horde Prime. It had been a month (Glimmer’s estimation) since they had heard anything of real importance from Prime. Catra had guessed that he found a sick pleasure in having people at his mercy waiting to be of use.

That dinner had been a disaster for Catra.

Glimmer revealed everything on the Heart of Etheria and its use as a weapon. And despite Catra learning more about her own similarities to the princess, it was clear Glimmer had no experience in any form of manipulation (shocking considering she had heard Shadow Weaver was her confidant). Not only had Catra lost her one use but Adora had turned up and ruined everything again – albeit Catra admits by her own reaction to her.

She was all too familiar with it by now – being blindsided by her allies or briefly losing herself in her own emotions. So, it was easy for Catra to slip into her mask of indifference – she wasn’t bothered. The world wouldn’t destroy her again.

Glimmer, on the other hand, was a mess.

Something that couldn’t escape her notice when Catra snuck over the next morning, despite the clear instructions not to. The princess’s bed had been ripped, her plants shredded, her face stained with tears and arms rubbed red. But there she was standing resolutely in her room filled with Prime’s clones who attempted to placate her as she screamed for them to listen to her.

For them to save Etheria.

For them not to destroy the universe.

To save her friends.

To let her go.

To see that Prime was a terrible being.

For them to understand.

And Catra understood. More than she would like to. Because she could see herself in that view. A younger version of herself. One that just wanted to be heard, listened to and loved. One that had started with nothing, always had to prove herself and was still given nothing. No one understood her. Not really. She had always thought Adora had but how could she if she could just leave Catra so easily.

**_People have hurt you, haven’t they?_ **

Catra’s fists clenched at the sudden memories, storming away from the scene without a glance back.

Catra didn’t attempt to see Glimmer until two days later. But when she finally did, she found Glimmer seated against the door with her head in her hands. Catra had been seconds away from turning around and leaving before Glimmer abruptly stood up and faced towards the shadows where Catra stood behind a white stoned pillar.

“This – everything that is going to happen is all my fault.” The other girl spoke out.

Catra remained still.

Glimmer looked out desperately. “It’s my fault that I’m – that _we_ are here. It’s my fault my friends are in danger. It’s my fault the people of Etheria are in danger and I can’t fight to protect them. I don’t know how to save Etheria.”

Catra sighed, she bit her lip to stop the remark that Prime’s deeds are his doing alone and instead she stepped cautiously into the light. The princess exhaled sharply when Catra stepped further towards her and proceeded to ramble on.

“I can’t believe I just told him about the weapon and She Ra. Why did I do that? I mean – I just saw everyone and they were being attacked. It was just – I wanted to help them, and I couldn’t. I’m here as an _Honoured Guest_.” Glimmer laughed bitterly to herself and then turned away as Catra reached her cell. “But I couldn’t even help them from here. I couldn’t stop myself. We’re only alive because of the weapon. Why did I tell him everything?”

Glimmer turned back around with a pleading look in her eyes and Catra frowned at her.

“I – Prime. He’s just trying to manipulate us.” Catra starts, unsure of how to calm the princess. “He’s finding our weakness. Manipulation 101: Use everything a person cares about to get what you want. It’s all very predictable, princess.”

Glimmer groaned and her head slammed against the door. “How do _we_ stop him from here?”

Catra’s heart stilled.

**_They didn’t believe in you. They didn’t trust you._ **

“Look princess if _you_ want to save Etheria – that’s on _you_. Just don’t let anything he says affect you. Simple.” Catra growled out.

Glimmer’s head snapped up to meet her eyes.

“What like you did? Scratch a table all the time?” Glimmer cried. “How can you just sit there when he’s doing that to our home?”

**_Didn’t need you. Left you._ **

Catra sneers at Glimmer, moving forward with a biting remark at her tongue but the princess doesn’t let her speak.

“Oh wait.” Glimmer laughs mockingly. “I had almost forgotten who I was talking to. Obviously, you don’t care about Etheria because you really are no different from Prime. You manipulate people. You destroy homes. You destroy people.”

**_It’s you. You drive them away, Wildcat._ **

Catra snarls at the shorter girl, her claws extending out.

“ _Little sister_ , you are not allowed to be here.”

Catra straightens her shoulders almost immediately at the sound of the deep voice of the clone behind her. The shorter girl, however, backs away with a gasp at the intrusion as she sputters something Catra can’t quite make out. She can’t help the bitter laugh that escapes her lips when Glimmer meets her eyes in shock.

“It seems as though you’re the one destroying _our_ home, Sparkles.” Catra smirks at the shorter girl before she followed the clone out of sight and back to her own room.

As she reaches her room and is left alone Catra gives herself a moment to cackle carelessly to herself tears leaving her eyes before screaming into her pillow. Taking her frustrations, her memories and all the pain she’s pushed down on the soft comfort. But when her throat is hoarse and eyes dry the memories continue to flood her mind unable to be kept at bay.

Double Trouble’s last _performance_ ringing in her head.

**_It’s you. You drive them away, Wildcat._ **

“Leave me alone!” Catra roars out to herself.

**_You have never been more than a nuisance._ **

**_You manipulate people. You destroy homes. You destroy people._ **

**_You’re a bad friend._ **

**_You made your choice. Now live with it!_ **

“It’s not _me_.” She whispers to herself.

Her breathing comes out shallow against her ribs as she chokes back the overwhelming need to cry again. Catra slips of her bed and onto the floor, claws pulling into her knees her mind replaying anything and everything unwilling to give Catra a needed reprieve.

Adora. 

Opening the Portal.

Sending Entrapta to Beast Island.

How she treated Scorpia.

Adora.

**_It’s you._ **

“I – They made me this way” Catra choked out, her claws moving from her knees and instead gripped into her hair as she curled over her knees and her forehead hit the cold floor. “They all did.”

Shadow Weaver

Hordak

Adora

It was them!

**_It’s you._ **

Catra lets her tears fall and she lets a large cry fall from her lips. It’s silent except for the sobs that clawed from her throat. She had fought for so long to be in control and there she was alone, shattered and broken. Surrounded in darkness. Shocked by the sounds that escaped her. It was her. It was all her. And she felt herself break over and over, piece by piece. All of her strength leaving her body.

Her hands let go of her hair and she fell to her side, cheek planted against the cold floor.

And she was done. Done with it all.

Then there was silence. And Catra remained on the floor with nothing left. No one left. She could only do what she knew best – _survive_.

Catra eventually picked herself up from the floor and crawls into bed.

She had tossed and turned for a week before she finally decided to venture outside of her room again. It doesn’t last long as she scrambles back to her room as she glances upon a pair of green eyes glaring almost familiarly at her. She takes her food from the clones, and she sits and she waits.

Time passes, and she doesn’t attempt to see Glimmer. But she was curious and frankly bored, if not a little lonely. So, she ventures out and spots her sitting on her bed, hair longer than the last time she saw her. The princess had books now, and it was clear she was disinterested in the one she was reading as she flipped through each page with a huff. 

Catra doesn’t stay long, growling quietly under her breath as she takes a step back and leaves.

She returns the next day, and Glimmer wasn’t in her cell and Catra can’t keep the pool of disappointment from forming in her stomach.

Catra sneaks around to Glimmer’s room after breakfast every day and it becomes the new routine for her. She watches only for a few minutes and doesn’t dare approach the princess. She watches as Glimmer eats, reads or paces around her room. It’s not very entertaining but Catra keeps up the routine. She’s not entirely sure why.

It’s not until the day she walks over to Glimmer’s room later than usual because of some nefarious meeting of the Prime clones that had Catra curious and changing her routine. She arrives with Glimmer sitting at her door facing towards her in the shadows and she immediately steps back when the shorter girl scrambles to her feet.

“Catra! Please. I’m sorry. I tend to say things I don’t mean when – when I’m stressed or upset.”

Catra hesitates, it would be easy to run back and away to her room. She could go anywhere, there were only a handful of guards lurking around. It would be easier but instead Catra chooses to move forward.

“Don’t apologize to me, Sparkles. It was the truth.” Catra said firmly as she walks into the princess’s view.

Glimmer was quiet for a second before nodding at her turning around and sitting down. Catra’s eyebrows rose softly at the familiar gesture and she went to take her usual spot on the other side of the door.

“I do, though. Say things I don’t mean when I’m upset, that is.” Glimmer repeated.

“Do you now?” Catra asked dryly.

Glimmer chuckled. And it was a sound that perked her ears somewhat. It was comforting and Catra could only ignore that feeling.

“Yeah. I – uhh blamed Adora for my mother’s death. It was one of the last things I said to her before – before all of this happened.” She admitted.

Catra’s blood ran cold.

_Glimmer’s mother._

Catra had rejoiced at the loss of the Brightmoon Queen when word had finally reached them at the Horde. Octavia had announced it with a box full of red ration bars, which while not her favourite went down a treat. It had been one of the more pleasant days, everyone congratulating her for opening the portal and taking out the rebellion’s leader.

She just wasn’t sure why she suddenly felt a wave of regret course over her.

“Don’t worry about that princess, I’ve blamed Adora for much worse.”

“I’m aware.” Glimmer giggles. “Adora told me about the one time you blamed her for eating all of another cadet’s hidden bars. Lonnie or someone. Adora said she fought her in the locker room to a large crowd until Shadow Weaver stopped them.”

Catra abruptly turns around at the story. “She told you?” Catra asks. That had been a great day, they were told in no uncertain terms that training was out of the question and Catra had spent the day with Adora who was nursing her hurt shoulder. She even gave Adora one of her two remaining bars.

“Yeah Adora never really talks about it – about the Horde. I think she doesn’t let herself process it. She never gives enough time to herself. She still doesn’t. At least I think.” Glimmer pauses. “But she has those moments every so often where she lets herself breathe and well, she talks about you an awful lot. Sometimes it’s weird to think of you as the same person who stole a Force Captains badge for Adora when she was upset.”

Catra smiles softly to herself. “You have plenty of blackmail material, then.”

“I – uhh no. Maybe.” Glimmer laughs.

Catra pauses for a second, turns back around before continuing despite the sudden urge to run. “Adora’s always been like that. I always thought – we had always wanted it to be us. Y’know us controlling the Horde, calling the shots together but I don’t think she truly knew what she wanted.”

“She warned me not to use the Heart of Etheria.” Glimmer admits, and Catra’s shoulders relax gratefully at the change of topic. “I hate that she’s always right.”

“Oh, it’s infuriating.” Catra interrupts.

The shorter girl laughs for a second before Catra hears her lean back against the door. “If I never balanced the planet, we would have stayed in Despondos and neither of us would be here.”

Catra doesn’t respond. The truth that Horde Prime was invading Etheria because of the _both_ of them hanging in the silence.

“Have you spoken with him?” Glimmer asks all of a sudden.

“Who?”

“Prime, obviously.” Glimmer huffs.

“No.” Catra replies honestly.

“I have. He – he told me my Dad was alive?” Glimmer questions. “I don’t know if it’s true. It can’t be, right?”

“I mean I’m not exactly in any position to confirm or deny, princess.”

Glimmer huffs for a second before launching into a story about her father. And Catra just listens, laughing along and chiming in every so often as she imagined a young Glimmer growing up. Later when Catra nods goodbye at Glimmer who waves with a warm smile on her face she’s not too sure why she leaves with regret burning at her tongue.

From there conversations are lighter. They talk about anything and everything and while neither completely lets their walls down, they do become more vulnerable with each other. Glimmer tells her stories about her adventures with the princesses and arrow boy, how she struggles with being taken seriously and that her least favourite food was broccoli but that she always ate them so Perfuma wouldn’t get mad. Catra talks about life as a Horde soldier, the pranks she and Adora pulled on other cadets (mostly Kyle) and that she doesn’t know what broccoli is but it sounds disgusting.

Adora becomes a topic they bond over. It’s easy when she has such weird habits and Catra realises that it’s actually enjoyable to talk about her with someone who probably knows her now just as well. Surprisingly, she doesn’t feel the rush of jealousy that she once did.

She even finds the stories about Adora adapting to life outside the Horde most amusing.

They still have the odd argument (particularly after either of them run into Prime) but it’s underlined with a more friendly banter rather than cutting remarks. It’s pleasant, and Catra would begrudgingly admit that she enjoys the company of a princess (who she learns is also a sorcerer and that makes her feel much better about it _)_.

That relative peace they’ve made turned completely upside down once Adora and her motley crew leave Etheria to save Glimmer and everything spirals out of control. She realises that Adora will always be her friend – no matter if Adora’s friends with others, no matter if Catra screws up in every possible way and she realises she doesn’t want Adora to die. So, Catra does one good thing in her life and saves Adora by saving Glimmer and she apologises.

And it doesn’t feel like acid on her tongue as she watches Glimmer fade into the green light. A heavy weight lifting off her chest before her mind sinks into darkness and nothing makes sense but the glory of Prime.

She doesn’t expect to be rescued, but she should have known Adora would come.

Should have always known Adora never wanted to leave her behind.

But being rescued also means facing her past and facing her actions and their consequences. Entrapta’s on this ship and her heart softens slightly at the mention of her and the fact she did indeed survive Beast Island. It also means Catra has to face her and that fact alone makes Catra curl up in a ball and pretend to sleep the days away.

She gets her visitors. She’s pretty sure Entrapta comes by once or twice and Catra doesn’t know whether to be suspicious or thankful, Bow brings food with little tags describing each edible item and Glimmer brings supplies and clothes. The Brightmoon queen doesn’t say anything when she does but gives Catra a small nod when Catra accidentally meets her eyes. A gesture she appreciates.

Adora constantly comes by and stays until she’s eventually pulled away by Bow.

Catra reacts to Adora the only way that feels familiar to her nowadays – lashing out and pushing her away. And she pushes and pushes until Adora snaps and tells her that if she thinks hiding from everyone she hurt will make her feel better then she would never have to see Adora again. 

And really Catra is tired of it all – she doesn’t want to fight her anymore. Part of her really does just want to leave. But she can’t. She doesn’t want to leave Adora behind and she’s more than relieved that Adora doesn’t hate her. Never hated her. She realises what she really wants is to go home, and she wants to make things right with Adora.

So, she reaches for Adora and asks for her to stay. She allows herself to be exposed if only for a second but she has no clue where to go from there.

It’s then she notes that the clothes Glimmer brought over are her own and her heart thuds a little louder. The only piece missing is her mask. Maybe it was time to stop hiding. Maybe she already began to right all her wrongs. Maybe it was time to atone for her actions and stop blaming them on everything else. She could be vulnerable. She could do that even if being vulnerable wasn’t a strong trait of hers. A trait that had been long pushed out of her, a weakness she couldn’t afford to keep during the Horde.

But maybe it wasn’t a weakness and whether it was or not, it was worth it just to see Adora’s smile grow large, her cheeks blush and her eyes shine with something Catra can’t quite recognise.

The days and weeks pass; her chip gets removed, Catra apologizes to Entrapta who forgives her, she easily falls into old patterns with Adora, Adora’s best friends accept her without question and she gains a pet. Catra feels like she doesn’t deserve any of it but she tries, nevertheless.

She tries to be open and vulnerable.

And Adora tells her she’s proud of her and her heart soars. Adora makes it all worth it.

But then Entrapta starts to talk about her theories with her once again. Catra doesn’t understand much of it but she smiles at the glee that spreads across the purple-haired girl’s face as she enthusiastically explains the technological advancements of Prime and shows Catra her hidden stash of tiny cupcakes.

And Bow inducts her into the best friend squad and Catra simply assumes it’s because of Adora but then he spends time teaching her how to steer the ship, claiming she’s the only one on board with keen senses and fast reactions. He asks her about ideas for arrow weapons, and he makes her a whip. Bow respects her and teases her and Catra enjoys his company, even with his terrible jokes.

And Glimmer is the one who teaches her mostly about life outside the Horde, usually with Adora chiming in with the wrong explanation for things and the smaller girl huffing in exasperation. Their conversations from Prime’s ship continue. She tells Glimmer more about her childhood and its more painful memories and Glimmer tells her about her father’s death and how she doesn’t know how to process that he is actually, very much alive. Glimmer even teaches her how to make what she calls a cake from her perfect day and it’s one of the tastiest things Catra’s ever eaten.

There’s an understanding between the two of them – whether it be shared experience or something deeper Catra doesn’t know.

But it’s clear to Catra that Glimmer had been troubled after they lift off from a planet that was stained with blood. It had been a simple mission to get supplies and weapons before they returned to Etheria the next day with Melog vanishing them from sight. The others had been pre-occupied as Adora had been carrying supplies to the spare room, Bow was steering and Entrapta had already taken Wrong Hordak to the engine room for some repairs so none of them noticed as Glimmer rubbed her arms and slipped out of the control room. 

Catra and Melog follow her.

Glimmer doesn’t look surprised to see them when she meets Catra’s eyes.

“I’m not naïve enough to think I haven’t caused the death of the people I swore to protect.” Glimmer starts.

Catra frowns. “You can’t think like that.”

“I can.” Glimmer huffs stubbornly for a second before her shoulders drop. She took a step back and leaned on the wall beside her. “If only I listened to Bow and Adora _we_ wouldn’t be in this mess.”

Catra hesitates but only for a small moment. “It’s my fault too.” Catra states.

Glimmer shakes her head and opens her mouth to retort.

Catra doesn’t give her a chance to reply, “If I didn’t open the portal, Prime may have never found Etheria.”

“If I hadn’t balanced the planet and activated the heart, then he would have definitely never found Etheria.”

“We could argue about this for days, Princess. But you didn’t know what would happen. You thought they were already on their way, and you were _desperate_.” Catra stresses. “I know that better than anyone.”

“You didn’t either, really. You didn’t know that it would tear reality.”

“I knew something bad would happen. Entrapta warned me and I – I sent her away.” She admits unable to meet Glimmer’s eyes.

“Yeah well Bow and Adora told me that using the heart would destroy the planet, and I ignored them.” The shorter girl retorts.

“Sparkles, as soon as you realised that something bad was going to happen you tried to stop it. I was there, remember. I saw you.” 

Glimmer lets out a small sob, and looks down towards the floor so Catra continues.

“I didn’t. Try and stop it – the portal. I – Adora asked me to and I just spiralled and I wanted the world to burn and I wanted everything and nothing and honestly, I don’t know why I did it. Other than that, I wanted to win. I wanted to prove myself to Adora, to Shadow Weaver, to everyone. And I was wrong.” Catra rambles, scratching the back of her head and avoiding Glimmer’s now intense gaze. She takes a shuddering breath. “Glimmer. I’m sorry about your mom – I – she didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry for it all.”

Glimmer stills and Catra meets her eyes before the princess’s gaze falls behind Catra and her stomach drops at the gasp and hurried feet behind her. Glimmer sniffles, and the girl softly takes hold of Catra’s right shoulder, she smiles weakly and nods once before walking out of the room with a cry escaping her lips. Melog follows the smaller girl for a few steps before he returns back to Catra’s side.

Catra doesn’t feel lighter after the apology. She feels heavy and her body feels tense but she’s glad she did it. Glad that she tried and she realises that Glimmer doesn’t need to accept her apology but Catra needed to say it. Catra wanted to say it. Because Glimmer was someone who was brash, bold and stubborn – like Catra. But she was also kind, thoughtful and a good friend.

Catra wakes up the next day with a small box beside her and a note attached.

_You told me once not to apologise so I won’t. Even if I did leave you for dead under that collapsing building in the Whispering Woods or for that time I captured you or those many times I one-upped you in battle._

_So, I understand and thank you._

_Sparkles._

_p.s Adora couldn’t have looked prouder of you last night_ _😉_

_p.p.s Entrapta told Wrong Hordak to cut the cake into tiny pieces so I saved you two slices._

Catra grins to herself as she pops the two pieces of cake into her mouth. Definitely worth it.

**_It’s for your own good, darling._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone! 
> 
> How was that? Thanks for sticking around till the end! This story has been stuck in my head since I rewatched the show again. Glimmer and Catra are one of my favourite dynamics on the show. And well I wanted more so I wrote this lol. I hope the ending isn't too mild - I do believe that sometimes understanding is better than fogiveness but idk. I just felt it suited these two more. 
> 
> I kinda took some liberties with the timeline. I’m not sure how long Glimmer/Catra were on that ship with Prime and I doubt the best friend squad wasted time on a mission for supplies, but like I wanted Catra to get another chance to apologize. Forgive me?
> 
> Anyways, hope it’s alright. Let me know if you would like to see another chapter (I sorta want to write a Scorpia chapter!) or if there are any critiques. Ciao. 
> 
> Find me on Twitter/Tumblr @ducky7goofy


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